Let Go

and the day you decide to let go

to let go all the feelings....good or bad

to let go of your past and your future

to let go of all attachments you may carry

to let go of all pain

to let go of all the tears..and those few cheers

to let go that damp air inside your choked heart

those moist eyes which deserve a better spark

to let go of this birth and fear of death

to let the end sink in with every new breath

and the day u decide is far away from when it finally arrives

the end of u the end of every tale of u.

that is where the new life thrives.

                                                                   - Nandita Prakash

With Every Dream I Weave, Gives me a heartache

 when u turn ur back

and walk to ur home

i still stay there for long

with a teary eye and hope

that you may return.

But you never return

when i express my love

and u say you care

i doubt you do

you have a life

i have none

i crave for u to be beside

for u to hold me all night

but far you go

to embrace someone else

someone you love

someone you care

and i die a little by little

with every night

with every day

with every dream i weave

gives me a heartache.

                                        - Nandita Prakash

and here i write again

and here i write again
i had forgotten to live
to laugh ..to be me
but now i release all my barriers
all my fears
to flow through my words
and reach someone dear.

to think from this heart
and not my brain
who claims to rule my heart
unaware dat i m ruled
by another soul and not me
i m already slaved and not free

and still i skip a heartbeat
walk several miles
just to feel
that i am alive
keep wondering
the fate and destiny
do i hav few happiness or many?

INTELLECTUAL IMPOTENCE

Intellectual impotence is very difficult to identity and even greater difficult to expose.
Well its a recently discovered phrase (credit goes to my brilliant mind).
But there is a possibility of i being ignorant of the fact that it already exists.

However, even if i dont know if it really exists or has some pre-concluded meaning, i have my own:
Intellectual Impotence is the inability to see/being able to acknowledge even slightest of the posibilities that some other human being can also have an intellect which is worth a listening & understanding.

many people are infected with this kind if impotence but they simply refuse to believe that they are Impotent.
Such people are fond of talking crap, and they dont realize how shitty is the crap.
When people show the courtesy of bearing their crap, they think they are great rhetorics.
Hight of stupidity occurs when they refuse other intellects by simply believing theirs to be THE INTELLECT.

Well all this can be better explained when you see the real life characters.

Now i would not do that for you, but you can do it for yourself.
tommorrow go out and closely watch your Manager or Boss in office.Come back and watch your GF/BF do the same and ya spouse belong to no other specie.

since the problem is highly contageous
Prevention is better than cure so you can prevent it by keeping yourself away from such people.
Resign from your jobs, break -up from you relationships, get a divorce but save yourself from being Impotent.

Shadow

She was looking at him crying helplessly. Yelling out her name, as he always did when he could not find her in the house. But this cry was more painful, dreadful, loud & disheartening. She wanted to sit beside him & calm him down. But she simply could not. She tried several times but he did not acknowledge her presence. What was wrong? And then she saw herself lying on the floor cold & white. She was dead six hours ago. A small slip from the bedroom stairs & there she was lying dead on the living room & there he was sitting beside her dead body devastated.

A courtship of five years and marriage of five months and a relationship of an entire lifetime-all disappeared in a second. It was much more hard than difficult for him to come back to his normal routine. He would try to occupy his mind in work, work late & avoid coming back to his dead house. Sleepless nights, wet pillows & an empty bedside. Flipping through all her photographs & to keep looking at her wanting to touch her, kiss her, and feel her. And she would sit beside him all the time looking at him undergo such pain. More painful was the fact that she was around but yet not. He couldn’t see her & she couldn’t tell him.

She had refused to go with the Holy light & start a new life. She wanted to be with him & see him recover & get a normal life. She had become restless & wanted to make her presence felt. She started finding out various ways of communicating from her state to the living world. She needed it so badly that finally happened. One morning when he woke up he heard the bathroom shower on. He thought she must be in there, but on the second thought he rushed inside the washroom to see the shower running. With a cup of tea, he went to his living room & smelt the same old fragrance of white lilies. She had liked them & would always keep them in the vase near the kitchen. They were there even today. But then who else would have brought it today. May be some of the servants were trying to remember her. Rushing through the pages of newspaper, he saw some words highlighted with red. And to put them together, it said “ I am here”. The hint was loud enough to capture. He was happy to know that she was around & could see him & probably hear him too.

Now he would talk to her without expecting any reply & she would listen to all his useless talks. But with time his talks became less with her but more on phone. She felt forgotten & like every housewife does at least once in her lifetime. One day he came back with one of his colleagues. They chatted all evening, had few drinks together & went out around midnight. She was worried for him more than she was worried for herself. That same girl started coming home very often. He was happy talking to her & caressing her hair sometimes. She was angry as any wife would be. One morning, she got a coffee mug spilled on his newspaper, a broken window of the bedroom, scattered pens 7 papers in the study room

He was ready to start a new life with someone new. He didn’t want her around. He wanted her to leave him & go. But she had nowhere to go. She had refused a new life only to bring him back to his normal life and now when he was back to enjoying life, he demanded her absence. She stayed in the same house without making her presence felt ever. She saw him marry that girl, saw them making love in her very bed, have children & live happily ever after. While she remained to be a shadow.

Things Happen When They Have To Happen

Life was full of fun for him in London. Famous in his college for his Charm.He was the best friend anyone can ever had & the brightest in the class. Fond of helping friends, completing assignments & party all weekends. Coming back to India was definitely not a very good idea.

As far as rich Indian families are concerned, they always wish their kids to go abroad to study & always come back to serve the family business & of course the nation. Who cares about the emotional turmoil the kid undergoes. But Manav was a sensible lad, had always been. When he came back to India, it took him six months to meet all his relatives. Sometimes he would wonder if half of India was related to his family. Hundreds of cousins & other relatives but not even a single friend. All day feasting & he was happy to indulge in lavish rich spicy Indian food after having continental for those many years. Family’s immense love started showing on his body & he gained enormous weight. With increase in weight there was a decrease in his interests and cheerfulness. He would go to visit different construction sites on behalf of his father and spend evenings listening to music in his room.

Trying to revive his old hobbies, he pulled out his acoustic guitar one evening & started straightening its chords leisurely sitting on the terrace. In the evening silence touched by some of its chords, he heard a soft humming. He stopped to hear the voice again which was louder & sweeter now coming from the adjacent terrace. What a beautiful & tender voice it was. Manav couldn’t stop himself from peeping in the other side. There he saw a girl sitting on the swing with a book in one hand & singing. This beautiful feeling was enough to wake him up early next morning. He had something new in his life.

While going out to work, he saw that girl coming out of her house. She was asimple but a very beautiful girl with a glow similar to a flower & tenderness of a fresh leaf. All day long, he thought about her and cursed himself for not being able to see such a beauty living so close to him. Then he thought of the best ways of approaching her but found none to be convincing. For the first time, he felt conscious about his being overweight. He could gather no courage to meet  the girl as he thought he looked unattractive. With this came another thought in his mind-Gyming. Why what else people do to reduce fat immediately?

He worked hard in gym for weeks altogether & even became conscious of his diet. But there was not much considerable reduction in his weight or flab. Disappointed, thought he will never come back and rather sit & eat all day. Forget about the girl, he Is never gona get her. While he was going out, he happens to see an aerobics class happening in the adjacent room. There she was dancing like a butterfly. He got his motivation. He had to come back & he did. If not for his workout, but for her. To see her few glimpses here & there.

Manika, completely unaware of Manav’s affections, but filled with hers, could take our different opportunities to see him. In fact, he was the only reason why she was at the gym. She had been following him since they were teenagers. All the years when he was abroad, unaware of Manika remembering him, she silently waited for him. She would peep in the gyming area to see him lost with dumbles when he would be least aware. Every morning she would peep out from her window to see him drive off & then hear him play guitar on the terrace till late night. She always thought he would never notice her as she was sober & simple.

One evening hoping to catch a glimpse of her, Manav was sitting on the terrace checking his Facebook account. Flipping through old memories at College, reading messages from his friends & feeling sad about being away from them. Just then a friend request popped up. Some unknown girl with Naitri (from the movie Avatar) as her profile pic. Navina Roz- the name was not at all familiar to Manav so he sent a message to enquire. Narina Roz dint tell much but just that she knows him well and it was time for him to know her too. Intrigued but not much convinced, Manav accepted her friends request. Manika was more happy than she had ever been in her life. This was the only way to get close to him & to know him better. And one day she may make him fall for her.

Days went by; Manav kept gyming with a hope to impress Manika & Manika kept chatting with Manav with the same hope. Navina became  good friends with Manav. He would share with her all his worries, anxieties &moments of happiness. But one thing he never shared with Navina was his feelings towards Manika;  His desperation to know her and be with her all the time. He liked chatting with Navika as he felt lighter & better.

Receiving some part of his affections, it was becoming difficult for Manika to hold herself anymore. She wanted to love & to be loved. Now was the time when she wanted to go ahead & try all her chances. So one evening she proposed him online. He was astonished & worried and what not. It was then when he had to tell Navika about his affections towards another girl which is unlikely to fade away but rather will ignite more with time. He liked Navika as a friend and loved chatting with her & he wished it would remain the same. For Manika, Manav had not rejected Navika but her .The fact that Manav could love someone else was more devastating than anything. She was feeling choked of painful emotions. She wanted to yell out, cry aloud so she ran up to the terrace. And there he was standing& waiting for her. Somewhere Navika made him realize that it was getting too late to keep his feelings to himself & that if he didn’t tell Manika about his feelings, it may go very late. So he jumped up her terrace to tell her right away.

Manav told Manika about his feelings that he had been struggling with from past one year. Manika was in tears when she told him that she understands as she has been struggling too from past ten years.

Remembering LEH

Smitten by the view

Carried by the wind

Pushed by the river

Caress by the spring

And when I met

This another world

It left me numb

A passive receiver

Astonished were my eyes

Unstoppable was my breathe

And only thing I could think

This was the real world

Such Is Life

And its darker than the darkness ever
heavier than the earth
breaks every bone in you
treats you very harsh

you given up broken & defeated
but it still leaves you not
you crawl as you have
no feet no spine

forgives you never for
the faults you never had
punishes you for mistakes
you never made

you are as grave as
a stone could be
as dead as a
dead would be

such is the grip
of a life
even death cant release
you from its' claws

The Final Encounter

I can see it coming over

Coming before time.

The wind which could blow people away

Had never seen it before

And even the skies were never

Never so blue & clear

& this fresh lush greenery

Was never to be seen

And this deep longing

To go back to the nature& lean

Was never bothering human mind

Not before this face off

Face-off between u, me &

The nature supreme

The stop watch is clicking

Counting the countdown

The final encounter between

Nature & we

Will she again be kind,

And set us free?

The Art Of Walking Away

For all those who always said
you were not worth a penny
not very few in number
they were surprisingly many

and carrying that negativity
that gloom, all the time
& nobody to stop them
from doing this heinous crime.

those poisonous scorpion
pointing stings at you.
leaving your chances of survival
reducing to very few.

but all this while
you were standing strong
& you never let anyone
or anything push you to wrong.

and then who cared about
what the world would say
by now you have mastered
the Art Of Walking Away.

The Pure State Of Being

And the space isn't that large

but big enough to have me in

for a recluse like me

its better than any heaven

at its leisurely walk

passing from the middle of the sky

to its abode in the west

when it's lights enter the room

from a huge window

inviting me to slide away

all fine curtains

& sit in its warmth

when i just wish to sit carelessly

soaking nothing but it's light

and i so dearly wish to tie

the sun, its light & me

& keep it still forever

with no memories from the past

no worries of the future

just now in the pure state of Being.

Is Just My Name

Don't say that you know me when you don't

you don't have any of my affections to flaunt.

you were never there to count my countless tears.

i have gracefully accepted all blows with my heart bare.

you never offered your supporting shoulders to me.

i stood on my own pushing, slaughtering many

in the dark night when i felt lonely & scared.

you were lost, busy away & hardly ever cared.

and you know nothing about what all did I go through

and how rarely did I smile with reasons few.

now to see you demanding my old self sounds so lame.

That all you know about me now is just my name.

and that wait never ends

and that wait never ends

    is on for several years

          hundreds of hours

                   millions of minutes

and these sleepless eyes

        they never blink

              not for a second

                     neither for a day

yet the act is

                         such a constant state

                                that it never dims

never fades or lightens

                or disappears ever

                          neither does it rest

but it always bothers

             keeps wide awake

                      forever restless

turns horribly rude

                absolutely ruthless

                         and hardly ever cares

it’s nothing worth keeping

           worth carrying 

                             inside a heavy heart

yet it has become

                          an undivided part of me

                                & is to stay forever

i did nothing

              to induce it or

                                  to save it in my life

           & now i can do nothing

                                nothing humanly possible

                                                    to keep it away from my heart   

 and that wait never ends

To Become a "Younger Me"

Sometimes i sway away to be a "Younger Me"

the "me" that you would never know

the "me" with the softest of heart & a fresh dream

the "me" full of yearning to be loved

the "me" who thought life was a chapter from "Mills & Boons"

& thought there was no other

the "me" who would feel shy but yet love

for "me" every dream was a flight to heaven

and everyday was a hope

every affair was a love story

& in every love story "they lived happily ever after"

for "me" no other thing could be real but the world as she percieved.

Types of people girls meet on FB

various types of desperados we meet

1)harmless suckers

they are the ones who only wish to increase the number of girls in their friend list. the obvious reason is to show off. they send random friend requests to any girl who happen to be present on fb. they always like whatever a girl posts & seldom comment. their comments are not more than one  words –‘nice’, ‘beautiful’,’wow’, ‘great’ etc. they are neither courageous nor daring enough to go beyond this. but they are content with the growing number of girls in their friend list.

2)Wannabe dudes

they often send messages followed by a friend request. messages can vary from “will you please be my friend?” to “hello dear, looking for friends who can meet, party and have fun with me”. such wannabes try to show themselves as the only stud alive in the town. show themselves off as Casanovas. excuse me you dumb heads,  all girls know that you have been a complete despo & a bigger looser. if you were such a stud then you wouldn’t have sent any random request at the first place

3) Friend’s friend

they are your friend’s friend & most of the times even your friends also refuse to acknowledge their friendship with such losers. so once you accept their friend request, only as an act of courtesy, as he is your friend’s friend, they are all over your profile. checking every damn picture of yours with ridiculous comments. they start calling you as if they were you chaddi buddies. whatever status you update, they have some rubbish statement to make.

4) biggest losers

they are usually inactive, hardly comment or like anything. you even forget they exist until they message. such are uselessly silent stalkers & nymphomaniacs. they would ask you “ what are you wearing babes?” to “ how would you like to do me?” to  “ what all you want me to do to you honey?”

ahem ..ahem .. no matter how much knowledge you try to show in the field of sex, we know that you never had any. all you can do is talk about it. most of the times, the lines are picked up from porn movies. where as you try to show us your active sex-life, we so very know that you have none & you just trying to have a blind chance on anyone you can get your hands on.

And the list is not enough but i am too full of anguish to add on anything at the moment. the only thing i wish to share is that

“ we all know that you people are such losers in real life so stop pretending & become real you…probably someone will start liking you too”

Palmistry- Chapter 3 Types Of Palms

1) Elementary Type: It is rough in texture and broad in shape. This type of hand represents the primitive man (cave man). They are not at all beautiful to look at with short fingers and hair growth. They are less cultured and more orthodox. They are always occupied with the thoughts related to food, cloth and shelter. Not capable of looking beyond that. Escape from doing hard work and are also not able to use brains. More of criminals are found with such type of hands.

2) Square Type: Looks square in shape. Is considered to be the best type. They are well mannered. They stay far away from world of fantasies and imagination, false pretence or pompous nature. They are pragmatic in nature. They may or may not be social by nature but are always praised by others.  Religious & extremely helpful in nature. They have wealth of wisdom. They can suffer loss to help some other people. They are patient, quite, disciplined & live a balanced life. They never believe in anything blindly. They believe in logical& rational discussion. They have hidden motives & reasons behind relationships which they maintain. Fond of money, power and fame & aim for them throughout their lives. They are generally successful in their lives as they practice patience, dedication & hard work.

3) Philosophical Type: usually plump, flexible & defined finger joints. They usually lead the world. Fond of fame. Very fixated with moral and values & give importance to them in lives. In the field of knowledge, they are always enthusiastic towards new learning. Believe and work towards expanding their knowledge. Many leaders, philosophers, thought-provokers, religious saints and artists belong to the same type. They usually face monetary up-downs & very few are well of. Still they give more importance to knowledge and respect when compared to money.

4) Spatulate Type: Such types of hands are greater in length than width. The beginning side of the palm (near wrist) is heavier than the preceding part of hand. They look ugly, not well cared and disfigured. The tip of the fingers is big and palm seems to be muscular & hard. Such types have active brain. The person can never sit idle. Active and hard working. They also think well before they act and their decisions are practical in nature. They do not get carried away by emotions. Always keep on experimenting, discovering or inventing something new. Successful personalities.

5) Conic Of Artistic Type: Smooth, soft and beautiful hands. Pointed, thin, well crafted fingers. Such people are attracted towards beauty and love. Either they are artists or if not then they must be art lovers. They identify and appreciate art in any form. Their life is full of love and their heart is readily receptive towards all sort of art as it comes naturally to them. They do not get success in terms of practicality ass they are often pre-occupied with emotions and fantasies. Often suffer problem related to earning money & yet they stay careless in behavior.

6. Psychic Of Idealistic Type: soft pink hands & similar looking fingers. Such people are progressive in nature & have a highly active brain. Whatever career they choose, they wish to master it. They are fond of getting into minutest details of everything. Often notorious because of this nature of overdoing everything but it doesn’t affect them at all. Not very good at handling harsh realities of life. Often lost in dreams and morals, they sometimes seem to be misfit in this pragmatic society. When they are rich, they live like kings but they do not mind living an ordinary life when have none. Their life fluctuates between the two extremes. During the end days of their lives, they suffer failures and die a sorrowful death. If their economical problems are taken care of, such men can be of a greater use to the society and mankind.

7. Mixed Type: This type of hand shows mixed qualities of more than one type of hand (out of six described above). Such hands are usually a combination of tow types and the nature of the person is also a combination of those two types. Such people are not influential. They look every matter with pessimism. Are less successful in life. Have a fickle mind. At the begening of every new task, they start contemplating its possibilities of not finishing on time & then leave the work midway. This becomes their habit which brings them failure and rejection in life. They ultimately become sadist & pessimist & need to work extremely hard to achieve success.

Palmistry- Chapter 2: How To Study The Color Of Palm And Bone Structure

Study The Color Of Palm

Healthy pink : mentally & physically healty. they forgive, have patience, sympathize, loving, caring in nature. they treat life as a game & face all problems of life with a bright smile. they are always excited and enthusiastic about life. fun loving, friendly & very social.

Extreme Red : lack of patience. they start a task well but loose interst midway & then try to rush up. feel bored very easily. mess every area with lack of patience and are less organised and stay disturbed.

Pale: Negative, depressed. always try to find the negative side of everythiong. pessimistic, sad & exhausted. they feel & stay defeated all their lives.

Blue/ Purple : sick, selfish, sad, irritable, pessimsit. take life as a burden to be carried life long.

Bone Structure

Loose/ soft/ easily movable/flexible  : balanced, manages well even in extreme situations. win over hurdles of life.

hard/immovable/inflexible : not very balanced, not able to manage extreme situations. find it difficult to handle hurdles in life.

India or Indiaaaaaah?

Was getting a little curious lately. How the whole world does see India? Well another question (which is somewhat associated with the whole issue is) that exactly how do we wish to represent our nation- as India or Indiaaaaaaaahhh. India would mean an aspiring nation (have been aspiring for 67 yrs and still aspiring) where people are not desperate by nature. Where people do not please others only for selfish reasons but its also a part of our hospitality. a nation where other nationals are no more seen with a wide mouth open, but with a friendly smile. Our street beggars are also trained how and how much to beg from a foreign national. But then some dumb heads (people from Hollywood as well as bollywood) find their closed mindedness to be so impressive and influential to the world that they even go ahead and make it a part of their movie and their bollywood counter part even celebrate such stupidity. When being an Indian yourself you let somebody else(who hasn’t done any fucking research on your nation still represent it like the nation of snake charmers) now that when you let your India called as Indiaaaaaaah.

Now getting a little straight-forward (which I am best at). Dear Mr Anil Kapoor…after your useless tenure of acting in Indian Cinema, had you not done enough damage(even leftanother of your kind  your daughter Ms Sonam Kapoor with again no acting skills in the industry to suffer) that you went ahead in defaming the nation in the whole world with your absolutely poor acting skills. We all remember your ridiculous dance at Oscars for Slum dog. And now you celebrate acting with Tom Cruise( where you are not giving a single dialogue scene with him but rather portrayed yourself as a horny bastered)- and yet you celebrate. And thank you Mr Tom Cruise for letting us all know how much you actually know about our culture. From those dancers dressed up in Katthak costumes and with absolutely vulgar dance steps to those antique paintings which you used as representation of lecher in Mr Anil Kapoor. And Mr Kapoor I only wish you had the guts to stand up an tell Mr  Cruise that hey buddy you may be a multimillionaire but let me tell you that you have no knowledge  about my country and I will never let you interpret it in such a useless way. But spineless as you are, it is not even expected from you.

Coming to Mr Russel Peters. My question to you is exactly when was last that you had visited India…and not Indiaaaah? You earn your bread butter only after ridiculing your own fellow men and their accent (Poor Indian English Accent as you say). Well I am very keen to listen to your Hindi or Punjabi  for that matter. Well, I have a number friends, who are fan of yours, who are like mad for you but I m sorry I find you repetitive and absolutely ridiculous. And when its been long doing the same old trick , you have recently started doing the same in Hollywood movies too. Brilliant bakwaas I say.

In years like 1980’s and early 90’s great actors like Dev Anand, Om Puri, Amrish puri, Naseer-ud-din Shah, Shammi Kapoor did some serious acting in Hollywood. Some of these movies are also kept in the classic sections and shown to the students of acting. Now thats what I call being useful. Not only to one self but to the nation as well. Again the question remains to be the same – that exactly how do we wish to represent our nation- as India or Indiaaaaaaaahh?

Palmistry Chapter 1: Texture Reading

Palmistry

i have just started reading this book on palmistry from my dad’s old collection of books. it is in hindi and with very rich vocabulary. it’s taking a lot of time to understand as we are no more accustomed to the same language which is also supposed to be our national language. Since I wanted to share my knowledge with my friends, I decided to translate it. starting with the first chapter, which is about reading the texture of skin on palm.

chapter 1

Reading The Texture Of Skin On Palm

Rough : wild in nature, rustic. roughness in behavior & work style. Less respectful & straight forward. works hard for livelihood. they don’t expect but believe in one’s moral values.

Soft (reddish) : they listen to their heart. shy away from facing harsh realities of life. like being in the world of fantasies & imagination and escape from all sort of hard work. but they prefer mental work instead. aspire to be famous in life.

Combination Of Rough & Soft :mostly successful in life. practical approach with correct blend of creative imagination. they find success almost everywhere. go-getters. good decision makers. present neat and clean work always and on time

Agony Of A Wife From Small Town

born in the adobe of beautiful hills, she was a wild weed.

educated in an ordinary pathshala in a small town of himachal, she only aspired to become a perfect house-maker of someone else’s household.

for her, geography was bhugool and science was always vigyaan. math was ganit and only english was english. she almost hated that language & always wondered why it was taught in the schools at all.

while she was struggling very hard to score at least passing marks in the language, she did not know that one day this language will become the centre of her existence.

she did not have the opportunity to go to the college. only an ugly looking boring teacher would come home everyday to teach this group of seven cousins.

in their free time, they would go to the nearby stream to collect some pebbles, get drench in rains & burglar apple orchids.

soon the family was looking for a suitable match for her. a himachali boy came with his family one day. he was working in a big firm in gurgaon(cyber city)

the guy was born and brought up in a metro city & had NEVER BEEN even once to his home town in himachal. since the parents insisted on having a daughter-in-law who could follow the same tradition, they decided to find a simple small town himachali girl. the guy did not mind the idea as he was to get a beautiful looking girl to keep in the bargain.

after settlement of dowry & other rituals related to money, finally the marriage culminated into a life-long relationship between the two.

next week she was in A THREE bedroom flat in one of the high rises in gurgaon. she had never seen such huge buildings before and now she was living on the 25^th floor. huge mountains & hills never scared her but these buildings did. she could not sleep for nights all together with a fear that the building might fall.

the husband would go to office at night & sleep during the day. she would step down 25 stories by stairs as she did not know how to use the elevators. even after several attempts by the poor husband, she simply avoided using those. the fear of falling once again.

her cloths were also very different from what others women wore. it was almost another country for her. husband took her to malls during the weekends to buy her some trendy clothes but it took them half an hour to make the wife climb up the escalators.

the husband was now probably getting embarrassed with her presence. her beauty did not charm him anymore.

to please him, she even asked him to bring his colleagues home for lunch. but the whole afternoon, she could not understand a single conversation with them as she could not understand a single sentence of theirs. she wished she had learnt english better when in school. this embarrassed the husband further.

with time, he started escaping all occasions which demanded their presence together. He would attend all parties himself. would shop by himself during the weekend.

she changed her wardrobe entirely. though she did not like even a single cloth out of the collections, yet she wore them. got a new jazzy hair cut too. with the help of cd’s of english learning program, she practiced english learning religiously. her only purpose of existence had reduced to be able to learn the language & impress people around, stay presentable & no more embarrassing the husband.

she learnt to greet people & respond to their basic queries but yet she could not initiate or participate in any sort of discussion. when too much english coming from the other side confused HER, she would defend herself with an immediate forceful “yes yes” & “:” no no” . well the husband was till embarrassed.

with time she gave birth to twin boys. when they started going to pre-school, she could not understand even a single thing spoken by their teachers. she would pick up certain words shared by the teachers and try to find meaning in Google and make an assumption about the development of her kids.

when they grew older and went to a formal school. she became an object of embarrassment to her sons as well. they would insist on calling only the father to come for the school events as they did not find their mom to be upgraded version as other mothers were.

but she did not stop trying. leaving behind all her up-bringing, all her education , her childhood her town- she is still trying to learn the language.