Saturday, July 2, 2011


When boys are young, They fall for older women. So did i. I was only ten when I saw her for the first time. She was in her twenties then. A distant cousin. If I try to tell you the family thread, which connected us, I will be more confused than you. Sanah. What a magical name. but she was more mystical than just her name. cheerful girly with beautiful curls. Everyone’s favorite. I wonder how many others, in the family itself, must have fallen for her. She was in love with herself & her life. But one day, that beautiful damsel broke my heart. She was going to marry the guy of her choice. Which was a rarity in our family where girls never choose their groom. The family did.

Angry over the whole matter, well I also felt betrayed. I decided to move on in life, with new girlfriends 7 my numerous teenage love affairs. And what happened to Sanah, is a tragedy. Her fiancĂ© died in a car accident, only a week before their marriage. Poor thing, must have felt devastated. More than I felt when she betrayed me. but then I could never imagine the height of pain one suffers when one’s beloved vanishes away forever. Mine was at least alive.

Never saw her since the tragedy. She refused to meet people, relatives & even her own parents. I got busy with my own life. But all I could hear of her was that she got back to a normal working life. But still refused to meet people. When her parents had to move to Mumbai, she refused to accompany them. No, she was not very much in love with her monotonous job but may be the place. It was the only place in the whole world where she loved dearly & was loved dearly. The place reminded her of him.

Maqrrying someone else was not an option anymore. She was too much pre-occupied with the past & thoughts of her dead lover. She always said that she could see him and that he was always around. People thought her insane, but this insanity never reflected on her work. She was an excellent florist. Her bunch of flowers would bring smile on all those who receive them. She spread smiles but was herself devoid of any. She lived a lonely life but managed a perfect household

I did not see her for years until on occasion. I was in the final year of my graduation, when I had to go to her town for some competitive exam. Mussorrie being a lovely hill station, has always been favorite destination for travelers during summers. Could not book even a single hotel room. I was ready to go to the town myself & look for some accommodation for myself. After a lot of discussions, it was decided that I will be send to her place and she would take care of the rest. Everyone said she was a perfect host and a lovely person to be around. But I was uncomforatable with her insanity. What if she butchers me one fine night or may be take me as her long lost lover. The possibility of me getting closer to my first love lured me & there I was with my bags packed with the best pair of clothes I could get in my untidy closet.

She had come to pick me up from the bus stand. Dressed in pink, she looked as pretty & young as she looked then, years ago. As if her beauty was caged in the past & there she was standing in front of me- The first love of my life. She was equally cheerful & talkative. I kept on looking at her, listening to her tender & soft voice while she was driving us home. I was so lost in her charm that I forgot to answer her a couple of times. Who were those people who called her insane

The garden outside was full of all colors of roses. Some products of grafting. She was fond of gardening herself & before we could enter , she introduced me to each & every plant & flower as if they were her own kids. May be they were, as she had sown them, grown them & nurtured them like none. I could see it all in the way she touched them with tenderness

The house was also very beautiful. That dark cozy ambience.that homelyness which is found rare. Some glass, wood & bricks & the house was no less than an art of an artist. The house was full of amazing sculptures carved out of dry roots of old trees. When I enquired, she said that these were the results of her idleness. She showed me my room & asked me to freshen up & join her in the dining area for a bowl of soup. Excited over the idea of getting more of her company, I rushed into that room. Everything was so neatly arranged. From bed sheets to pillows, from toothpaste to towel. Fresh flowers in a vase & their fragrance ,which filled the room with freshness.

When I came out of the room, a bowl of fresh vegetable soup was waiting for me and so was she. We sat in the living area & chatted for a couple of hours. A very good conversationalist & a thought provoker. She had an opinion on every topic & she always won with a logical point. And then we reached to our favorite common topic – Love. It was two hours past dinner but we were still discussing over the same topic. I even over eated while she continued to serve me till I surrendered. But I wondered, why didn’t she had her dinner with me. may be she was much accustomed to eating her food alone. It was half past eleven when she finally ordered me to go to bed so that they can have their dinner. “their?”. But hwo was she going to eat with? Anyways, sleep heavly laden on me, I went to my room & thought it to be a mere grammatical error. When I entered my room, I could here her laugh & talk. Probably on phone, I thought & then fell asleep.

Next morning was unusually bright. She fed me with lovely breakfast, packed our lunch & took me for a ride. Took me to beautiful places. Quite an adventurer she was. Was falling more in love with her. Such an awesome personality & extremely caring. She was treating me like a kid, which I didn’t like most of the times. I had never imagined a situation in which I would be able to be so close to her, so much involved. After telking about almost everything on this planet, I picked up the courage to ask her the obvious question – that why did she not marry? Why did she choose to stay struck in the past? She replied with a never before gravity in her voice “ it’s not just my past, it’s my present & continue to be my future. It is the only thing in my life. I cannot grow out of it because it is in me, with me. has always been and always will”. The statement was so much full of belief that I would not utter a word after that. It was already dark & we were returning home. A lovely day spent. It even made me forget that I was supposed to be giving an exam next day. Immediately after she fed me with dinner, I took a leave from the appealing & interesting damsel & retired to my room.

It was very late , perhaps half past midnight, when I heard her talkand laugh in the dining area. I thought of talktaking a small break from my boring books and spend some time with her, once her phone call is over. But to whom was she talking to, at such a late hour? But then it was all fine since she sounded cheerful & happy. When I came out of my room, I saw her sitting on the dinning chair & talking. Sh was not on phone, no not even talking to herself. She was talking to somebody sitting acroos the table on the other side of the dining. I stepped ahead to see who it could be coming in so late. Bit I could not see anyone. Then I again looked at her and then back to the empty chair. She was having her food & across the table there was another plate led with food served on it & a cup of tea. I looked all around, to check if my eyes were missing anything. And then I saw that cup of tes flying in the air. As if someone sitting across the dinning table infront of Sanah & sipping tea. I also saw a fork haning in th middle of the air 7 then back on the was jittering, but it did not scare me. she has always been trying to tell me the same thing. Whenever sjhe tried telling it to people, they thought of her to be insane. But she kept on telling aboiut the presence of someone. Whom she could see but we could not. Love is surely a stronger force than others. It can bring back those whom we thought were dead & gone


  1. it sure long as you have the faith in love....

    great post


  2. beautiful explanation of love.......Very well written Nandita........I love ur posts